Taking Shots (Assassins #1) by Toni Aleo

Following my newly found passion for ice hockey (Go Blackhawks!), I decided to search for a book with a hockey player as the main character. I was quite pleased to find a list with books just like that and I eagerly downloaded the top one recommended book. I expected passion. I expected hotness. I expected complicated feelings, a man who is strong and determined. A woman who is interesting and bold enough to ensnare that powerful specimen. What I got was a whiny stuck-up and a besotted fool who enter a relationship that will leave the readers unsatisfied and wishing they had just gone to sleep.

Before I start picking the book apart I want to emphasise on the fact that I did not read the entire book. I simply couldn’t handle any more of Elli’s virginal behavior and Shea’s endless patience with her stupidity.

First, let’s talk about the story. Elli is a photographer, who has finally gotten her dream job and is shooting the whole Assassins team. That’s how she meets Shea, an amazing athlete who is getting tired of his life as a skirt-chaser. Shea is quite taken with Elli (God knows why, the woman is a complete disaster) and starts pursuing her. They go on a few dates, he falls in love with her straight away and after that the book is pretty much dedicated to Shea trying to score one and Elli being too afraid to even get to second base.

Now, let’s talk about Shea first. I don’t know if it’s because I have this image of what an ice hockey player should be like, but I found him utterly lacking. I like my hockey players hot, strong, powerful on and off the ice, a man’s man, maybe a bit of a player. While Shea is hot and a powerful player, he is as far from my idea of a man as one can be. It bothered me to no end that he kept thinking about his sister and saying things like “She is my best friend. I love her so much. I can’t live without her. Oh, my sister this, my sister that.” There is nothing wrong with loving your sibling but moving around the country just because they are so you can stay together? Talking every day on the phone to tell each other how much you love the other? Now, that is a bit over the top for me. Having a strong family connection is a good thing but being co-dependent isn’t.

Then, of course, our heroine comes in the picture and Shea is instantly in love with her. They go on a few dates and he is so smitten that he decides to respect the limits Elli puts on their relationship. Meaning anything below the neck is not to be touched. Or else. I would completely understand behaviour of that sort if the heroine was a teenager. Or a virgin. She is neither. She is a fully-grown woman who has been engaged and who has previously enjoyed sex. So, why, you might wonder, is she refusing the hot piece of meat that is Shea? Because she got fat.

But, wait, that isn’t even the best part. You see, she isn’t actually fat. It’s all in her head because she is so awfully insecure about her body that she sees a hippo when she looks in the mirror. I don’t know any woman who isn’t insecure about her body. Hell, I myself could be the Queen of Issues but that doesn’t mean that I act as a scared little missy every time a man tries to touch me or to tell me I’m attractive. Elli’s insecurities are like a third person throughout the entire book. They are, in fact, the main focus of the story. It’s all she thinks about and all she talks about. What annoyed me even further is that she is bothering everyone around her with her silly worries. Her friends, her colleagues and her boyfriend all become victims to those tedious conversations where they have to convince her that no, she is not fat at all and no, her stretch marks aren’t that visible.

And who, in their right mind, would date the hottest hockey player out there and refuse sex for months? Maybe if she had a different reason, say if she had survived some traumatic experience and was dealing with issues or even if they were taking it slow (although waiting for months to have sex when you are in a loving committed relationship in the 21^st century still is an outlandish idea to me but that might just be me being slutty). It’s not even that she doesn’t want to sleep with him, on the contrary she wishes she could hump his brains out. But she doesn’t only because she’s skittish and afraid that he will be so outraged by her marks that he will dump her ass before he even puts the condom on. From my point of view, if a man is kind to you, if he not only tells you you’re beautiful but acts like you are, if it’s obvious he’s in love with you and you’re his world, if he gives you the feelings down low, then why would you torture both yourself and him by keeping sex off the table? I swear, every time I was reading a steamy scene and she stopped him when his hand inched under her shirt, I wanted to reach inside the book and smash her insecure head against the wall.

When they finally have sex, she refuses to let him see her naked in the light. So they can only indulge in intimacy with the lights out. Romantic, I know.

Moreover, she hid her past from him and he had to find out all that has happened by her family. She never mentioned her old career, her ex-fiancee or her sickness. And then she left Shea to her mean-ass family who reveled in telling him just how much of a failure Elli is. So when he, understandably, got angry and yelled at her she just took it quietly, cried her eyes out and decided that their relationship is over.

That is the point where I had had enough. I couldn’t take anymore of her whining, crying, worrying or her insecurities. I couldn’t handle reading another page where this strong man had to deny and belittle himself only to reassure her for the hundredth time that she is pretty.

So that’s it folks! Yet another piece of work that should be stamped DO NOT READ. Hopefully, I’ll have better luck with the next book.

Yours truly, Krissy

Motorcycle Man (Dream man #4) by Kristen Ashley

Finally going through all those silly books has payed back! It was about time I found a book I enjoyed. The hero, Tack, was hot, steamy, intense and dangerous. A dream man indeed. Excuse me while I go splash cold water on my face.

After I completely trashed the first book of the series (see Mystery Man aka Creepy Stalker Gets the Girl), I feel like I need to give the author some credit. Before I begin giving praise, however, I want to make it clear that I didn’t read the other books from the series because I didn’t think I could handle all the emotional romantic cr*p that Mitch Lawson was surely going to dish out. So I skipped to the scary biker dude who was the only character I remotely liked in Mystery Man. And my, oh my, can I just say in the words of Kristen Ashley:

Ladies, we’ve hit the hot guy motherlode.

The author did a much better job with this book – the writing was better, it wasn’t primarily dialogues and there was more thinking going on in Tyra’s head than there ever was in Gwen’s. Even the names were better this time around. What I didn’t enjoy was the little bits from Gwen’s pov. That woman quite simply pisses me off as no other character has ever had before. There she is in the hospital trying to calm down Tack, be there for him and she’s thinking about outfits. Her ability to think about clothes in every situation was a big part of why I didn’t like her. Generally, women who have only clothes, shoes and meaningless things like that in their head tend to be annoying. I mean, how shallow and empty-headed must one be that their first reaction to a very serious and dire situation is this

Moving on to Tyra, I definitely enjoyed her character. Her little speeches about embracing her inner slut cracked me up every time. She was funny, witty and had a backbone. She didn’t take anyone’s sh*t and she stood her ground – an admirable feat when your opponent is a scary biker dude who breathes fire when angry. Was he domineering and bossy? Yes. Did he get away with it? Sure. Did she do as she was told? On few occasions. But somehow Tack could pull it off. I mean who wouldn’t expect the president of a motorcycle club to be a demanding badass? She didn’t cower from him though, she said it as it was and she had the balls to leave him when she didn’t like the way he was treating her. Well, she tried to leave him anyway. Tyra definitely had strong moments throughout the book – especially when she went all batshit crazy on the tosser who dared to beat up Tabby! Or when she tackled Naomi to the ground. Man, I hated that woman, I was so happy when Tyra finally showed her who’s the boss. Take that, bitch!

A big minus in this book was the drama between the couple. It bothered me that every time something came up she tried to end their relationship. When you have issues with your man, you discuss them. You do not pack your bags and leave with a scandal.
On the other hand, there wasn’t as much drama with kidnappings etc as there was in the first book. Sh*t still happened but they weren’t such a big part of the book.
And can I just mention that the sex scenes were MUCH better in this book? I liked the dirty talk, I liked that she wasn’t being romantic saying “Make love to me, Kane!”. Instead she was demanding “F*ck me” or “Time to get down to business”. There were some really hot steamy scenes in there…

Oh, and Tack was truly the dream man. He is a dangerous, hot, angry, covered-in-tats biker who somehow is sweeter and nicer than any man I’ve known.
All in all, the book was worth reading and I’m glad I didn’t judge it based on the first book in the series. I am eager to read the story of Tabby and Shy – hopefully it will be even better!

Here is my favourite quote from the book, words that have stayed with me because of how true they are.

“Truth, honesty, perseverance, strength, love of all kinds and forgiveness are all beautiful, Tack. The most beautiful stories ever told are the most difficult to take.”  Tyra to Tack

Reviewed by Krissy