Mystery Man aka Creepy Stalker Gets The Girl

Dream Man #1 by Kristen Ashley

How this book scored above four on http://www.goodreads.com is beyond me. Maybe we didn’t read the same book because there is no way in hell the stuff I read is even a two.
I saw Motorcycle man in the nominees for 2012 so I decided I’d give the series a chance. Boy, do I wish I had just skipped the damned page. Talk about waste of space and time!
First of all, the story starts straight away without any descriptions, without any explanations. In fact, I had no idea what the main character Gwen looked like until the epilogue. The whole book is more speech and dialogues than anything else. Except, of course, when there is a hot guy that just must be described!

Now that I mentioned hot guys, this is another problem I had with this book. It starts out with her realising she’s a slut (which she is as her actions later confirm in the book) because she sleeps with a man she doesn’t know who sneaks into her house whenever he wishes. Okay, let’s talk about that for a second. How many of us women are there who would not be disturbed by the fact that some mysterious guy has access to your home, to you and you have no idea how he does it? If it were me, I would be worried that if he could do it then anyone could do it. New locks and a security system would be my next logical step. If he’s so horny he can always ring the damned bell like a normal person. And let’s not forget that on top of everything else they were having unprotected sex. Nevermind STDs and unwanted pregnancy – all is well as long as Gwennie is getting some from the creeper.

After some sh*t happened with her dear sis (a complete piece of trash who still is more likeable at the end than our dear Gwen) she decided to go lay her problems at a biker gang’s feet. Best decision ever. And (what a surprise!) Hot Guy #2 comes in the picture. Tack is a badass all around, hot, dangerous yadda yadda but the moment he lays eyes on Gwennie he falls for her. So this big bear of a man talked to our main character ONCE and he gave her his protection (a big deal in biker gangs’ world) and agreed to basically risk his life and the lives of the gang members for her. Cuz she’s cute and talks about Barbies. Uh-uh. And he terrifies her but she still thinks he’s super-duper hot and gets the shivers when he touches her. Oh the romance. Then her house gets broken into and behold! Hot Guy #3 makes an entrance. Every normal woman would be shocked that a man tried to get in her bedroom but what does Gwennie do? She flirts! And just like that Mitch Lawson becomes her next victim (with only 4 lines exchanged between them). That all happens for one day, and what a busy day it was for Gwennie ensnaring hearts left and right. Why, you might ask, is every man in the book falling for her charms? Because she has tits and ass and she is a smartass. Uh-uh.

By the way, there is a difference between being a smartass and being stupid. As a proud smartass myself, I should know the difference.

From then on it’s the story of a woman who can’t make up her mind about who she likes better. She is with Hot Guy #1 but she flirts with everyone else, she kisses Hot Guy #2 and sleeps with him spooning, she even lives with him shortly. She also allows Hot Guy #3 to touch her and get in a kissing distance the night she was supposed to go out on her first date with her beloved. And, let’s not forget the best friend who has been in love with her for years.

But anyway, moving on. Before I forget I just have to mention the horrible horrible taste of the author in names. Cabe aka Hot Guy #1 to me personally sounds like a cape, like Superman’s cape. Or cabbage. Tack? Sounds good but still weird. Gwendolyn I have personally never liked – to me it’s not the name of a strong woman but of a whiny pretty one. And then there’s Ginger Kidd. Seriously? Ginger Kid??? Let alone Jury, Bruno, Asher, Gus, Hawk etc.

So, after everyone risks their lives for her because they all want to get in her panties, after she starts a war between the gang and Cabe’s base for the same reason, she finally decides she wants Cabe. After a fair amount of drama, of course. What seriously annoyed me about their relationship is how much he was spoiling her. I get that the man wants to make gestures and sh*t but buying her shoes for 12 000 dollars? Bit over the top hmm?

And what is up with calling everyone, and I mean everyone, baby? Am I the only one who still thinks endorsements like that should be used only in a relationship, not when you talk to your best friend’s fiancée?

Then, they finally get together-together, everything is swell but the book still keeps going. By that point I was getting sick and tired of reading about their life as a lovey-dovey couple who are just so damn adorable together. So what was the point of those 20-30 pages? Well, there had to be a big bang for the finish. Whoaaa Cabe got kidnapped and Gwennie had to save him. Which is about the point where she becomes a total disappointment after briefly deciding to trade her sister for him. I mean, why act logically and do the obvious and call his base? Instead, she cries, she drags everyone into her sh*t without thinking about the consequences for them and she wants to take her sister, her own blood, and give her over.
Finally, everything falls into place and they lived happily ever after. *Sigh*
Oh, let’s not forget Cabe and his annoying habit of ordering her around. Everything that came out of that man’s mouth was an order. Everything. And every single time I read his line and she complied it made my teeth itch. Gwennie didn’t really make a decision regarding their relationship (or anything else) throughout the whole book – when she tried to he simply ignored her.
All in all, my opinion of the book can be summarised by this:

Reviewed by Krissy

Fifty Shades Darker (and shittier)

           

 

          AKA

 

 

I’m not quite sure how to go about this review since it’s my first, so bear with me. There are a few things I liked about the series – firstly, the style of writing makes it somehow more personal and engaging (even if it’s not very good). I also like the story and how James reveals little bits and pieces of Christian’s charachter and his past. I like the fact that she wrote 2 books, taking her time and letting her characters get to know each other. Everything is evolving in a normal pace, not the usual hasty kiss-bang-oh,i love you-you cured me-marry me storyline we witness in most books that sometimes leaves you thinking “What did just happen?” And I liked Christian. Bless him, he’s so fucked up, it warms my heart. Fifty shades indeed.

Now, moving on to the things that irritated me in the book. And they are plenty. So many, in fact, that they outbalanced the good and made me give up on the series. Let’s take a moment and talk about how ridiculously slow and dense Ana can be. I mean c’mon! some things are so obvious yet it takes her 200 pages to make the connection.

If you don’t agree with me, here are a few examples:

1. The fact that she was oblivious to Christian’s kinky fuckery tendencies for so long. He gave so many hints, surely it wasn’t just my dirty-minded self that got it? I understand she’s a virgin and innocent and bla bla but we do live in the 21st century and I sincerely doubt there are many people left so naive. Especially when he told her he can’t f*ck her before she signed the “paperwork”. DUH! Who would ask you to sign paperwork for having sex if he didn’t want you to keep quiet for something? Ok, maybe she wouldn’t have jumped to the dom/sub conclusion but there are so many other options…she didn’t even speculate. Tut tut.

2. Another thing that got on my nerves was the whole food issue. She knew he had a problem with wasted food and she knew that he was adopted. Yet it took 100 pages for Christian to say in his speech on her graduation that food was important to him because of that. And she was so shocked she tuned out for the rest of the speech. Seriously? She could have at least guessed it was related to that period of his life.

3. His scars. The first time she sees them she thinks they’re from chicken-pox. But then on the family dinner Grace says Christian had a really light case of the disease. Now, a normal person would make the connection instantly but it takes her another 50 pages to remember that conversation and to come to the revelation that they’re cigarette burns. Although I’m willing to give her some credit here – she at least thought of it herself. And she did have a lot on her mind at the time to realise it right away.

4. SPOILER ALERT!
Mrs. Robinson. Damn but I hate her. Anyway, remember that part where she was being blackmailed for 5000 dollars? And they thought it was a funny sum because she’s rich? And they mentioned Isaac, her sub? And then, the NEXT day he gets a call and he says that he understands it was a joke and it was a really ridiculous sum and that Isaac is in trouble.  What does our silly heroine do? She asks him who was on the phone. SERIOUSLY? And he is like “Do you really wanna know?” WTF? Hmmmm let’s think. Who could it be? And Ana actually thinks “And I knew.” Honey, did you actually need his question to get it was Elena?

5. SPOILER ALERT!
Their new house. He proposed, she almost agreed, they’re living together and he took her to see a gorgeous house that just happened to be on the market. And she asks if he just wanted to show her the view. Grrrr by this point I wanted nothing more than to just slap some sense into her. He obviously meant it to be your new house where you’d live together, you stupid! And again, she was surprised when he said it. Fine, maybe she didn’t believe he’d do it but surely the thought would have crossed her mind? At least as an option? Why else would he take her there? Sightseeing? I don’t think so.

6. Her new job. If you get the job of your dreams you do NOT spend all of your time e-mailing your dreamy boyfriend, you work your a*s off and do your damn best. It bugged me how much she resembles Bella. They both have nothing else going on in their lives but their “perfect” sweethearts. And if they do, they ignore the sh*t out of it. Women are not defined by the men they’re with. It just sends the wrong message. We are our own person and we are entitled to our privacy.

That leads me to the problem that is Christian’s possessiveness. It’s just too much. At one point it was more like an obsession than love. Like how he bought the firm she was working for so he became her boss. If it were me, there’d be hell on earth for him. Interfering in my work?

Anyway, I don’t really understand what all the fuss is about. The book is more silly and annoying than anything else. I guess Twilight and Gabriel’s Inferno fans (the two books that made me want to shoot myself only so I’d forget about their sheer stupidity) will like this series too. For the rest of us, I can recommend the book only in case you need paper to start a fire.

Reviewed by Krissy